Middle

I'm in the middle of the sales and marketing meeting, trying to fix our figures so we can hit our quota for the month of August. At the same time, I'm in the middle of my weekly tasks trying to figure out what to do first, my boss' requirements or those long-overdue papers that were buried in my backlog files.

I want to pause and take a breather and think about what I really want to do.. not just for today but for the long term. I'm tired mostly, often, because I feel lost already. I don't know if I should still be doing what I'm doing. I feel like I'm not myself anymore. This is not my strength. Bottomline, I'm not happy, I'm not fulfilled.

If I had my way, I would just be a housewife, a mother, a wife. An entrepreneur, doing the business that I would love to do, and not answerable to anyone else. I would take care of my family, my husband and kids (in the future), for in my mind, I was already able to work in corporate and be a brand manager... my dream since I was a kid. Now that I'm here, I feel like I ought to be... somewhere else now.

Then again, this job puts food on our table, pays our bills, and gives us the mobility/car that we need. The family has no one else to turn to, and I cannot be selfish enough to want something else when in fact, having a job in itself is a blessing. Much more with Unilab's comprehensive benefits.

The question then is.. how long do I drag myself to work? how long do I stay in the middle? how long will it take for me to take the plunge and lead my life the way I want it to?

*sigh*... maybe someday. When I'm at the end of my rope. For now, I'd settle for the middle-ground.

Friday the 20th

I never thought I would be happy again. After so many hits and misses, I was resigned to accept the fact that maybe singlehood is the path for me. And then, an old friend came along.

He had been waiting in the sidelines for what seems like a lifetime.. watching the flurry of people come and go in my life, listening and comforting me when things went downhill (like the good friend that he is), until he finally got the courage to fight for what he always believed was rightfully his (or so he says). One drunken christmas party after, on that fateful street in Quezon City.. he got down on one knee and asked permission to pursue me. Seriously this time. No turning back. And the rest was history...

The days and weeks and months went by, and as we met each others' friends, families, officemates, past flings, and got to know how the other half lived... I realized that I was truly blessed to find someone who not only fit my non-negotiables to a tee, but someone who sincerely, truly loved me.

I thought it mattered when or where or how.. but then all that mattered was that we were given this day to show how much we loved each other...

I'm keeping the faith, stronger than ever. I now believe that it can and it will rain when you want it hard enough. And that there is such a thing as the right person and the right timing. And that prayers can do miracles. And there are such things called fate. People who are meant to be. People who are soulmates.

Happy Friday the 20th Ling! Love you! :)

Wishful Thinking: My Birthday Wish List

I've always believed that if you wished hard enough, and if you write things down, your most fervent wishes are most likely to come true. Hence, in the essence of the mantra "ask, believe, and you shall receive", below is my birthday wish list (in case anyone is peeking):

1. A Surprise Party (I've never had one, and I think it would be a blast!)
2. Bath and Body Works Vanilla Lotion
3. Victoria's Secret Love Spell
4. Kate Spade Black Bag
5. Naturalizer Black Pumps
6. Guess Wallet or Fino Purple Leather Wallet
7. Parker Purple Pen
8. Tickets to a concert or a play
9. Bouquet of Purple Flowers
10. Kenneth Cole Dual Time Watch
11. Bridal Spa Package (Facial / Mani-Pedi / Massage.. the works!)
12. Seat Covers for Vios
13. Padded Laptop Bag
14. Olay Regenerist Set
15. Blue Ocean / Good to Great Book
16. Buffet Dinner at Circles
17. Home-baked pasta or cake (para may effort ;)
18. Platinum or White Gold Bangle / Single-chain Bracelet
19. Round-Trip Tickets to Coron, Batanes or Caramoan (my top 3 destinations this 2009!)
20. Gold clutch bag
21. Little Black Dress (or short-mini dress)
22. Face Shop Foundation or Eye Make-up
23. Travel Journal / Scrapbook
24. A Donation to World Vision, Tahanang Walang Hagdan, Red Cross, or U-Foundation in my name
25. A Nice Boyfriend (for a change)
26. World Peace ;)

26 Wishes for my 26th Birthday. LOL. Wishing and Hoping and Crossing all my fingers (and toes!) If by any chance I shall be blessed with any of these gifts, then I shall count myself truly lucky. Truth is, all I really wanted is to always have good health, peace of mind and to appreciate the love of friends and family around me. I'm already grateful for all my blessings :)

Haberdei to Me (and to Tita Cory!) :)

Looking Back at 2008 | Looking Forward to 2009

It's been a while since I blogged, and as I read through the archives, I realize that much really has happened for the past months that I wasn't really able to write about. 2008 has been a rollercoaster of highs and lows, triumphs and defeats, falling in love and heartbreaks. Let me count the ways:

• Inang Romana: Started the year with an early Farewell, to my beloved Inang who passed away at our ancestral home in Munoz. Will miss all your cooking, all the thoughtfulness and concern, and the support you gave me growing up. We Love you Inang.
• Hwong Khong and Hawaii: My 2 International Trips this year: the first one as a birthday present for me and lowlah, the next one as part of Prefplus. And I was granted 10years on my US VISA.. enough to save up for my next trip to New York! yay!
• Fenoflex Grand Launch: Yup, was working on V-Day. But no worries, because everything was still all red (including me).. roll out the red carpet for 520 MDs who celebrated with us as we launched my baby into the medical community! Cheers!
• Trip Around Pinas: Provincial launches for Fenoflex followed, which meant plane-hopping from one key city to the next.. phew! Tiring living on a suitcase, but I loved all the travel so bring it on! :)
• New GM: Goodbye Sir Lyle, Welcome Sir Nomer. A lot of adjustments in the office with the new management, but we're all hoping for a good change with LRI.
• PMG Resignations: The production numbers ain't the same without Badet, Gino and Steve. Best of Luck to you guys. See you around :)
• Falling in, and out, of Love. Met, loved and was heartbroken three times this year. I never really wrote about them, but I remember spending many sleepless nights daydreaming and then crying afterwards. This prompted so many reunions just so I can get my share of compassion and sanity from the support group, which is why I'm truly thankful for the friends. One thing I was able to prove: the heart truly is a resilient muscle, for it now begins to hope and beat again for someone new.. hopefully, someone whom I can share 2009 with...
• Nina Judan Jiao: I will miss my little angel. I know that somehow, Justice has been served. May you be in Peace now with Kuya Jess :)
• iCOMPLI Launch: Finally, was able to launch my patient program after two years of concept, development and testing. Next year, go nationwide!
• F@#k my Knee... Again!: Got another major one this year. Good thing I was able to put it back (weird but required skill my brother and I had to learn over time)
• Health Scares: Had multiple lab tests done this year, one for my platelet problem, and another for that breast scan. I was cleared for both late this year, thank goodness. Health is Wealth talaga.
• Won the UL Raffle: Count 'em and Weep (because I did cry when it all sank in): 100grand baby! One Word: Grabe. Ang galing! Ang saya! Thank you thank you Kuya Jess!
• Reunions, reunions, reunions. To Eda, Drew, Marc, Ling, Banchettos, GSM, my Babies, New Orleans Girls, Lowlahs, KwaiLuhs, Haberdeis, AIESECers, Dazers, and all my friends who lent their time to listen and gave their shoulders to cry on, who flooded my inbox with the sweetest and thoughtful messages, and who have supported and cheered me on through all my joys and sorrows this year.. I raise my glass to you. A girl could not ask for a greater group of true friends. I Love you All.
• Judanskis. Batas, Hustisya. Kwatog. You are my life, thank you for all the wisdom, guidance, support, prayers and love. Mahal ko Kayo.

There are many blessings to be thankful for, and many lessons to be learned from the past year. But like many years past, I AM EXCITED for the new year.. a chance to start anew--a clean slate, a new beginning. Let's see how many I can tick off for next year:

• Health: Join a dance class / Hiphop Abs and drop down to 125lbs.
• Wellness: Monthly Facials and Hot Oils, plus update new wardrobe.
• Travel: an Asian Trip, and a New Philippine City Trip.
• Arts: A Concert, A Play, A Book/CD Signing and a Sports Event.
• Attitudes: Be more professional, come to meetings on time, and deliver all commitments. Curse Less. Drink Less.
• Finances: Spend Less, Save More. Zero Debts. Open a passbook account: Deposit at least 1000 every month.
• Career: More FOCUS. Do Homework and come to the office prepared. Develop more relationships with target MDs.
• Self-Development: Enrol in MBA in Ateneo. Learn a new skill: Photoshop!
• Friendships: Meet and catch up with all the chapters at least twice in a year.
• Love: Introduce to the friends and the family. Keep in Touch. Enjoy each other and cultivate relationship :)
• Family: Have QT for each member of the Family (Sta Clara with Mom, Billiards with Julius, Travel with Dad)
• Spiritual: Continue my Morning Prayer Rituals. Share more blessings everyday.

Happy 2009 Everyone! Cheers!

Holiday Traditions

Christmas has always been magical for me, and when December strikes, I'm as giddy as the next kid who opened her toy from Santa on Christmas Eve. I love everything about Christmas: the carols, the lights, the food, the cool December air, and the traditions most especially. I'm a big follower of traditions, and I was happy to have been able to keep most of them this year:

• Simbang Gabi. I wasn't able to complete it, but I heard very meaningful masses with the people who mattered: My First Night alone at Greenhills Chapel (great way to reflect and welcome the Advent), Christ the King with Ling and Hangad Singers, Dawn Mass at Christ the King (again) with Family, and Gesu Church with Drew and Ateneo Chamber Singers.
• Amusement Parks. Star City with Monna and Jeff after our Star Theater Musical Extravaganza with Hairspray. Perya galore! :)
• Christmas Tree. Decors with Mom :)
• Christmas Lights. Trimmings with Dad :)
• Bibingka and Puto Bumbong. Wasnt able to taste puto bumbong yet, but i've had my share of hot bibingka. Yumyum!
• COD. Finally got to watch the whole thing, after a month of driving by and parking at Greenhills. Theme for the year: Reuse, Reduce and Recycle!
• Tiangge. Maxed out my bonus at Greenhills Tiangge.. got new PJs, new lacoste shirts, new crocs, new nike sports shirts, and more gifts for the fam! Happiness is Tiangge!
• Christmas Carols. St Lukes and Medical City Residents regaled us with a round of Christmas Hymns. We Wish you a Merry Christmas!
• Exchange Gifts and Kris Kringle. Something Red and Hot (Chinese Lip Balm), Something Green and Healthy (Del Monte Pineapple Tidbits). Something White and Light (Zonrox). Haha!
• Reunions! Haberdei. KwaiLuh. Big 40 with AIESEC. New Orleans girls. BSP. LRI. Judanskis. Morales. All nighters na sunod sunod! But it's nice to reminisce and catch up and be thankful for these wonderful people who have made my life truly rich and inspired.
• Misa de Gallo. Christmas Eve Mass at Christ the King :) Family Pictures beforehand!
• Noche Buena. All our favorite food: Angel Hair Carbonara, KFC Bucket Meal (my recipe!), Red Ribbon Coffee Crunch Cake (again, my recipe! haha!), My-Caroni Salad, Novellino.
• Opening the Gifts. Got a lot of purple stuff this year: purple bag, purple dress, purple hand bag. at least terno lahat! hehe :)
• *New* Gift-giving to Street Kids. New tradition.. be Santa's Little Helper and share the blessings with the less fortunate. Nakakatuwa sila :) The happiness in the children's faces are truly priceless.
• Makati Street Lights. Mom's neck craned back and forth, coupled with some ooh's and aah's at Makati Buildings' Christmas Extravaganza as we drove by Christmas Day. Classic!
• Spring Cleaning. Nilagnat ako this year.. hindi sanay nang malinis ang kwarto! haha!
• Metro Manila Film Fest. I think we're watching Tanging Ina this year. hehe :)
• Fireworks at StaLucia. December 30th!
• ... and of course, my Christmas and New Year Blogs!

At this time of merrymaking and enjoyment, may we all still remember the reason for the season: the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

A Blessed Christmas to Everyone! :)

Rants and Shout-outs

Mga bagay na gusto kong sabihin, pero di ko pa nagagawa... or hindi ko talagang magawa. I was always scared of confrontations. But if I had the guts, I would really tell people off:

1. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it!!! Leave me alone!

2. Tigilan na natin ito. Wala namang patutunguhan eh. Ano ba talagang gusto mo?

3. Bakit mo ko ginugulo? Ok na ako eh. Ok na tayo. Talaga bang kailangan nating maging "friends"? Hindi ata ako ganun ka-"friendly".

4. Lulubog. Lilitaw. Lumubog ka na lang kaya nang tuluyan?

5. You want the best of both worlds. Ang saya mo naman. Gusto mo makisaya ako lagi sa yo?

6. For once in your life, be a man and mean what you say. 

7. You don't think I can leave this all behind? Watch me. 

There's a Fine Fine Line

This song's on my LSS and playlist and driving CD... for now... :

THERE'S A FINE FINE LINE by KATE MONSTER
from Avenue Q

There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...
Oh...

There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.