Wow! I can't believe it's actually been a month since I last wrote in here... so many things have happened over the past month... my trip to Bohol and Cebu, POGS launching at PICC... my knee dislocation (oh yeah, that happened just today!). Of course, my roller coaster life at work for Felina, in AIESEC, DAYS, and the "love life" (as if it exists! Haha!). Back in the Habit, eh?
I guess writing and keeping up with this blog site really takes more than just the ideas and the the experiences and the rants and raves that you need to fill the space in. More than that, it needs the commitment from me--the willingness to actually put in and contribute something each day. That takes more heart I guess.
I've never been good at keeping commitments. That's one of my biggest flaws I guess... I always thought I could keep my promises and be the always responsible/dependable girl that people always thought I was. But what they don't know is that I get restless easily. When something gets too "routinary" for me, I get bored and want to escape. Procrastination more like it. Home grown couch potato. The DVDs are my best friends lately--they keep me happy more than anything else in the world. Well, except for my pillow, that is.
Sometimes I get scared. What if I cannot commit anymore when things really need my commitment??? More than love for what I do, it's actually the GUILT that keeps me hanging on to my responsibilites so I don't slack of (at least most of the times that's true). My biggest motivator so far has been people's expectations: what others think or would think of me if I were to achieve something great and even if I come across my biggest failure. What others are saying or thinking or gossipping about me behind my back?
I guess it shows also on my relationships: I'm afraid to commit also with men. When the time comes that I have to choose, I choose not to go through with it. Then the guy just, well, leaves me alone to regret that decision forever. *Sigh* The story of my life... (which is probably told in another blog altogether)
Today though, is a classic example. I'm supposed to go to work, but freaky accident-prone that I am, I got my knee dislocated (again) for the nth time. Hmm... I should have gone to work, but I opted to rest instead... away from the horrors and pressures of work that has been gnawing at me lately. Don't get me wrong... I love my work. It's just that sometimes, I can't seem to handle all the deadlines and the pressures... it's all too much! I know I said I thrive in challenges like this, but sometimes, I just wish I had a vacation you know? Hmm... maybe I will get one in the future...
Till then, better get some rest first.. before I hit my paperwork deadlines in a couple of minutes... Cross your fingers I can continue this blog on forever! At least to that, I'd like myself to commit... Ü
