I thought I was okay. I thought it was over.
Out of sight, out of mind right? Wrong.
Why is it that little reminders of old ghosts you thought were gone forever just keep on haunting you? Why is it still painful? Why do I still feel empty?
I may move on, but I don't think I will ever completely heal.
I want a clean slate.
I want closure.
I want freedom.
I want to forget...
Monday, September 18, 2006
Friday, September 01, 2006
I'll Be a Mommy
This has been the most incredible week.
August is my 2nd year anniversary with WWJD, and with this momentous occasion comes another one: I'm about to become a "mommy" as well in January (at my birthday no less!). No words can ever prepare you fully for that moment when you find out--amidst the sincere happiness from the people around, I could only feel the overpowering solemnity of the Disco, and remember the almost emotional phone call with my own mommy rach a few hours past (and after). There was no visible omen, no sign. Ok, maybe Milo hinted a few times, but I was honest-to-goodness overwhelmed. Until now. I am so deeply thankful for the support of friends in and outside the community--souls whom I have connected with only through weekends past. God knows up ahead is not an easy path, but I will trudge on willingly... to give all I can for Mel's batch, for Mike's and Rod's, for the others that will come soon, and for my own most especially.
I think that the weekend has inspired more blessings to come my way, especially at work where I have begun to receive due recognition for hard work and sleepless nights, and where surprise gifts have started pouring in. Even love has knocked at my door a few times this week as well. I think what I cherished most was also catching up with old friends and finding out where their own lives have taken them--Rach from the States, Ana from Indonesia and Liv from Paris.
I praise and thank God for all of the wonderful blessings, for me and my loved ones. Even though times are hard, I believe that all of us would have our own chances for happiness, even if it's just for a week, maybe even just for a weekend...if our hearts remain pure and patient, and if we truly have faith...
August is my 2nd year anniversary with WWJD, and with this momentous occasion comes another one: I'm about to become a "mommy" as well in January (at my birthday no less!). No words can ever prepare you fully for that moment when you find out--amidst the sincere happiness from the people around, I could only feel the overpowering solemnity of the Disco, and remember the almost emotional phone call with my own mommy rach a few hours past (and after). There was no visible omen, no sign. Ok, maybe Milo hinted a few times, but I was honest-to-goodness overwhelmed. Until now. I am so deeply thankful for the support of friends in and outside the community--souls whom I have connected with only through weekends past. God knows up ahead is not an easy path, but I will trudge on willingly... to give all I can for Mel's batch, for Mike's and Rod's, for the others that will come soon, and for my own most especially.
I think that the weekend has inspired more blessings to come my way, especially at work where I have begun to receive due recognition for hard work and sleepless nights, and where surprise gifts have started pouring in. Even love has knocked at my door a few times this week as well. I think what I cherished most was also catching up with old friends and finding out where their own lives have taken them--Rach from the States, Ana from Indonesia and Liv from Paris.
I praise and thank God for all of the wonderful blessings, for me and my loved ones. Even though times are hard, I believe that all of us would have our own chances for happiness, even if it's just for a week, maybe even just for a weekend...if our hearts remain pure and patient, and if we truly have faith...
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