In a certain personality test, there’s a question which somehow goes: if you are currently panic-stricken, tired and stressed out, your favorite therapy would be: (a) retail therapy, (b) food tripping, (c) a hot bubble bath (or a good massage), (d) night out with girl friends. Personally I would have answered all of the above, but recently I realize that I would have added another option to the list: (e) writing in a blog or journal.
I’ve kept so many journals since my elementary days, as requirement for class, but it’s only now that I’m able to maintain an online blog, just for the heck of it. It’s been three years running so far, and though there are writers’ blocks, I’m glad I’m still able to update it at least once a month. Of course, my obsession with multiply came and heightened even more, which lessened my updating of the blogspot for a while (I’ve migrated all my reviews and albums and general blog entries there already), and I’ve just started this spiritual/prayer blog, so it’s getting quite interesting to juggle all three altogether (minus friendster and all those similar friends-friends accounts! Phew!).
Sometimes though, especially in defining moments, I suddenly drop all things to fulfill the sudden urge to write all these feelings off not just for therapy’s sake but for posterity as well. Just like today, when I’m so overcome and overwhelmed to post multiple entries in all blogs! Haha!
It all started with a recently posted blog entry which reminded me of a similar entry I posted many years ago. Because I was trying to find which “era” in the archives I saved it too, the search for the missing entry became a full-blown trip down memory lane. I read and read many entries I’ve written over the years—my love-hate relationship with my career, crazy girl bondings, my growth in DAYS, and of course, the love entries which I think occupied about 80% of my archive space! I smiled as I read some of the good memories, and I winced at the forgettable ones. How fast time flies talaga! It’s nice and haunting at the same time to be nostalgic—to see how much you’ve realized and how many lessons you’ve learned and actually applied. How many mistakes you’ve now avoided. How much you’ve sacrificed. How much you’ve celebrated. How much you’ve Loved.
So to me, and all the bloggers out there… Cheers to more and more years of whining, rejoicing, learning, sharing, writing and blog-hopping!
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Missing Sparks
Met up with an old friend yesterday, after about two years of no contact with each other. And I couldn’t help myself being overcome with excitement and anxiety both for the “reunion date”, that I started calling up friends, planned my wardrobe and primped even days before. I knew that I was only setting myself up for disappointment with all these expectations I was starting to build for the date, but I’ve always been stubborn so my friends (and my inner logic) just let me be.
Monday came and went, and it was really a very nice reunion. He looked good, happy and worry-free, evidently because he just resigned from his work and is now looking forward to greener pastures. He was the perfect gentleman and we had the most animated conversations. He even brought me a small gift… a sign answered from a prayer I asked from Him before our meeting. He was even the first one to text me that he had a great time—a habit I usually initiated first with all my friends (and dates included).
Though I admit I had a wonderful time catching up and hanging out with him, the “afternoon delight” would have been perfect… save for one thing: sparks. It’s the one thing I’ve always hoped for, and never really received. He will always be a great friend, but even long-lasting friendship that looms in the horizon pales in comparison to the promise of something grander—yes, that thing that makes the world go round.
I guess I’m at a standstill because I tend to overanalyze things, which eventually complicates matters even worse. But the simple truth is this—I don’t think I will ever completely forget nor get over this affliction (or addiction) of him, even if clearly there’s nothing else he can give me but what we have right now. So, it comes down to two (2) options—Option 1: I take the high road and accept us being friends, nothing more nothing less. Which means I stop hoping for something that I know will never happen. And I can really be more at ease and more open with him, not the guarded nor conservative nor proper girl that i'm projecting to be (assuming that is his idea of the perfect girl). Or, Option 2: Stop being friends with him altogether. Because sometimes it really is hard to smile like everything’s ok. Out of sight, out of mind, out of heart.
I’m still deciding. But I think I’m leaning towards Option 1. Because I’d rather have him here, right now, and enjoy the friendship that we have, as it truly is a relationship that I treasure, than not have him in my life at all. For now, I just have to put up a brave front and smile and cheer him on in his dreams, as if nothing is wrong. For now, I’m glad to have good friends around me who gives me comforting hugs, sound advice, distracting stories, listening ears and shoulders to cry on. Thank you thank you thank you. I’m so blessed to have friends like you.
Like everything else, this too shall pass. And everything will be happy happy joy joy again. Till the next date then.
Monday came and went, and it was really a very nice reunion. He looked good, happy and worry-free, evidently because he just resigned from his work and is now looking forward to greener pastures. He was the perfect gentleman and we had the most animated conversations. He even brought me a small gift… a sign answered from a prayer I asked from Him before our meeting. He was even the first one to text me that he had a great time—a habit I usually initiated first with all my friends (and dates included).
Though I admit I had a wonderful time catching up and hanging out with him, the “afternoon delight” would have been perfect… save for one thing: sparks. It’s the one thing I’ve always hoped for, and never really received. He will always be a great friend, but even long-lasting friendship that looms in the horizon pales in comparison to the promise of something grander—yes, that thing that makes the world go round.
I guess I’m at a standstill because I tend to overanalyze things, which eventually complicates matters even worse. But the simple truth is this—I don’t think I will ever completely forget nor get over this affliction (or addiction) of him, even if clearly there’s nothing else he can give me but what we have right now. So, it comes down to two (2) options—Option 1: I take the high road and accept us being friends, nothing more nothing less. Which means I stop hoping for something that I know will never happen. And I can really be more at ease and more open with him, not the guarded nor conservative nor proper girl that i'm projecting to be (assuming that is his idea of the perfect girl). Or, Option 2: Stop being friends with him altogether. Because sometimes it really is hard to smile like everything’s ok. Out of sight, out of mind, out of heart.
I’m still deciding. But I think I’m leaning towards Option 1. Because I’d rather have him here, right now, and enjoy the friendship that we have, as it truly is a relationship that I treasure, than not have him in my life at all. For now, I just have to put up a brave front and smile and cheer him on in his dreams, as if nothing is wrong. For now, I’m glad to have good friends around me who gives me comforting hugs, sound advice, distracting stories, listening ears and shoulders to cry on. Thank you thank you thank you. I’m so blessed to have friends like you.
Like everything else, this too shall pass. And everything will be happy happy joy joy again. Till the next date then.
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