Middle

I'm in the middle of the sales and marketing meeting, trying to fix our figures so we can hit our quota for the month of August. At the same time, I'm in the middle of my weekly tasks trying to figure out what to do first, my boss' requirements or those long-overdue papers that were buried in my backlog files.

I want to pause and take a breather and think about what I really want to do.. not just for today but for the long term. I'm tired mostly, often, because I feel lost already. I don't know if I should still be doing what I'm doing. I feel like I'm not myself anymore. This is not my strength. Bottomline, I'm not happy, I'm not fulfilled.

If I had my way, I would just be a housewife, a mother, a wife. An entrepreneur, doing the business that I would love to do, and not answerable to anyone else. I would take care of my family, my husband and kids (in the future), for in my mind, I was already able to work in corporate and be a brand manager... my dream since I was a kid. Now that I'm here, I feel like I ought to be... somewhere else now.

Then again, this job puts food on our table, pays our bills, and gives us the mobility/car that we need. The family has no one else to turn to, and I cannot be selfish enough to want something else when in fact, having a job in itself is a blessing. Much more with Unilab's comprehensive benefits.

The question then is.. how long do I drag myself to work? how long do I stay in the middle? how long will it take for me to take the plunge and lead my life the way I want it to?

*sigh*... maybe someday. When I'm at the end of my rope. For now, I'd settle for the middle-ground.