Recently, I’ve been having weirdly vivid dreams of certain, um, people in my life. I guess what they say about dreams is true… your subconscious desires are more cognitively realized when deep in slumber. … My latest obsession, it seems, involves “the could have been’s”… those that at one point or another, have gotten away…
I think Jonjon was the one who pulled this particular trigger.. discovering that he himself has moved on and found his own “puffin” brought out mixed emotions for me. I know that in this lifetime, things might be difficult for the two of us, and that another person will be able to make him truly happy. I sincerely do wish him happiness.. walang showbiz. But I wasn’t ready to hear that he has moved on so fast. And to hear from his own words that she was the best girl he ever met… um, leaves me exactly where? :-(
Backtrack to memory lane, leaves me with painful memories of ER, whom I just dreamed of last night. Yep, even if my dreams he was still egotistical and controlling, but underneath was the sweet malambing person I fell in love with. Of everyone, he was the only person I like willing to take the risk with me. Only I was too damn scared. So the guy isn’t perfect, I’m not either. Too late for that realization. Up to thi day, I still wonder what ifs… would my life have been different had I taken that road? Should I just have defended him to my friends? *sigh* He’s still with hig girlfriend, good to know that like he promised, he is indeed capable of long-term relationships. Only wishful thinking can tell if the same fates would have befallen us if I had said yes in that now nonexistent parking lot…
Maybe I’m just being melancholic. Or sentimental. Sometimes I hate this feeling of the month when all I can do is daydream and sigh and wish for some other life… wish for a different past. But, like all things I’ve learned the hard way, life has way of making you stronger for future things to come. Maybe, like I’ve always believed (to keep me sane), things that don’t happen are not always meant to be… well, maybe not right now… :-)
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
5 Questions from Eda :-)
1. So how come wala pa rin boyfriend?
Because I don't want to settle...and because I haven't met anyone who was willing to take me seriously. And because I'm still waiting for a certain person.. (yeah, yeah I know... battered wife syndrome...hehe)
2. Bakit ka ganyan?
Bakit ako ANO? Bangag? Dahil sa trabaho. Martyr? Dahil matigas ulo ko tlga... hanggang ngayon, mahilig pa rin ako sa "malalansa". Magastos? Kse collections ang hobby ko.. kaya nga ngpapakalunod ako sa starbucks ngayon para makuha yng npkamahal na "backpack".
3. Are you happy with your job?
It's a love-hate relationship. Most of the time I feel soooo tired of thinking about everything all the time.. suppliers, inventory, med reps and sales reps... headache tlga! I have to keep up with the fast-paced work environment or else the business goes down with me.
But I'm loving the challenge... I learn something new everyday, like being more professional for instance. The pharma industry has opened my eyes to how certain businesses operate in the Philippines, and I wouldn't trade that for any corporate experience. The intrapinoys are my new fam as well.. so in the midst of all the paperwork, at least we can still laugh it off and just head to a food trip afterwards.. the perks of having flexi time as well ;-)
4. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?
Um, I wish I had stronger knees... para mkpg diving ako sa Anilao :-) Other than that, everything's good!
5. So sinong mauuna satin ikasal?
With the rate things are going....... hard to tell! Haha! Feeling ko IKAW :-) Mas adventurous ka sa akin eh... at least you get to fulfill your part of the dares!
So you people know the drill...
1. Leave me a comment in the tagboard, saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
Because I don't want to settle...and because I haven't met anyone who was willing to take me seriously. And because I'm still waiting for a certain person.. (yeah, yeah I know... battered wife syndrome...hehe)
2. Bakit ka ganyan?
Bakit ako ANO? Bangag? Dahil sa trabaho. Martyr? Dahil matigas ulo ko tlga... hanggang ngayon, mahilig pa rin ako sa "malalansa". Magastos? Kse collections ang hobby ko.. kaya nga ngpapakalunod ako sa starbucks ngayon para makuha yng npkamahal na "backpack".
3. Are you happy with your job?
It's a love-hate relationship. Most of the time I feel soooo tired of thinking about everything all the time.. suppliers, inventory, med reps and sales reps... headache tlga! I have to keep up with the fast-paced work environment or else the business goes down with me.
But I'm loving the challenge... I learn something new everyday, like being more professional for instance. The pharma industry has opened my eyes to how certain businesses operate in the Philippines, and I wouldn't trade that for any corporate experience. The intrapinoys are my new fam as well.. so in the midst of all the paperwork, at least we can still laugh it off and just head to a food trip afterwards.. the perks of having flexi time as well ;-)
4. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?
Um, I wish I had stronger knees... para mkpg diving ako sa Anilao :-) Other than that, everything's good!
5. So sinong mauuna satin ikasal?
With the rate things are going....... hard to tell! Haha! Feeling ko IKAW :-) Mas adventurous ka sa akin eh... at least you get to fulfill your part of the dares!
So you people know the drill...
1. Leave me a comment in the tagboard, saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
Monday, July 11, 2005
New Friends, Old Habits
Last weekend at MJ's Batch was my first time to staff in DAYS totally alone... no sisters, no Mommy Rach to keep my company and sort of be my "safety net". I went back because it was my personal commitment to Him--to continue staffing and serve others who are continuously searching for their own paths to Him, regardless of friends who may or may not staff with me.
It was a little difficult this time, because I was forced out of my "comfort zone". Admittedly, I am still quite the introvert... I can keep silent the whole time, merely being the observer or a listener in the background. Which was mostly what happened this weekend. Surprisingly though, the situation provided me the opportunity to get to know other staffers din... spent a lot of time with Jhoolz, Milo, Roda, even Sam and Mac during our all nighter adventures at 7-11... went to Ababu (yep, my first time) with Pat, Amy, Carla, and Allan... croaked my lungs out at the choir with Jun and Trix (super tiring yng three hour's worth of finishing the entire song book! but it was fun nonetheless :-)
God really works in mysterious ways.. and I'm always happy to go back because I can spend real, quality time with Him... I always feel overwhelmed with all the blessings, and this is one of the times I can truly thank Him for everything that is good in my life. The prayers and reflections give me so much strength to face the challenges ahead, especially in work. I may not go to Mass everyday nor do my vigils regularly, but I'm grateful for this opportunity to grow spiritually with Him. In a way, it's my pledge to go back again to help others feel the same way. I hope I can bring more friends to experience Days as well, we stopped after October last year... For the meantime, will go back and support my friends' weekends next September... Till then! To all my sisters and Mommy Rach, whom I miss very much... to all my new friends as well: bimmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmk! :-)
It was a little difficult this time, because I was forced out of my "comfort zone". Admittedly, I am still quite the introvert... I can keep silent the whole time, merely being the observer or a listener in the background. Which was mostly what happened this weekend. Surprisingly though, the situation provided me the opportunity to get to know other staffers din... spent a lot of time with Jhoolz, Milo, Roda, even Sam and Mac during our all nighter adventures at 7-11... went to Ababu (yep, my first time) with Pat, Amy, Carla, and Allan... croaked my lungs out at the choir with Jun and Trix (super tiring yng three hour's worth of finishing the entire song book! but it was fun nonetheless :-)
God really works in mysterious ways.. and I'm always happy to go back because I can spend real, quality time with Him... I always feel overwhelmed with all the blessings, and this is one of the times I can truly thank Him for everything that is good in my life. The prayers and reflections give me so much strength to face the challenges ahead, especially in work. I may not go to Mass everyday nor do my vigils regularly, but I'm grateful for this opportunity to grow spiritually with Him. In a way, it's my pledge to go back again to help others feel the same way. I hope I can bring more friends to experience Days as well, we stopped after October last year... For the meantime, will go back and support my friends' weekends next September... Till then! To all my sisters and Mommy Rach, whom I miss very much... to all my new friends as well: bimmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmk! :-)
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Franchising Fiesta
Went to Megatrade today for the Franchising Fiesta Expo... most of the participants were in the food business (which I hope to get into someday). Franchise Fees ranged from 150K for food the carts to 350/450K for the small to medium-sized restos. Total investment ranges from 500K to 2M. Though I was still saving up for a potential franchise, it was a good learning experience to scout for potential franchise owners that can accommodate my budget and has workable requirements.
Primary consideration, besides financial capacity of course, would be the location for the franchise. This I have to still check out, but with the onset of Malls, I think that is most likely where I will be venturing in. Rent will be another major factor to consider, however. But knowing these rates and how basically the franchising system works, what I can do now is to save up for the investment and learn the tricks of the trade from Halfmoon, Bossing and Hotshots :-)
Hopefully I'll get my own franchise food store by the time I'm 30... Time to get out of the "rate race"!
Primary consideration, besides financial capacity of course, would be the location for the franchise. This I have to still check out, but with the onset of Malls, I think that is most likely where I will be venturing in. Rent will be another major factor to consider, however. But knowing these rates and how basically the franchising system works, what I can do now is to save up for the investment and learn the tricks of the trade from Halfmoon, Bossing and Hotshots :-)
Hopefully I'll get my own franchise food store by the time I'm 30... Time to get out of the "rate race"!
Saturday, July 02, 2005
Upside and Downside
Today's definitely one of the weirdest days... was feeling giddy, melancholic, frustrated... all in just a span of 24 hours...
Went to get Julius' college app form at DLSU. As agreed on months before, Allan went also to accompany me on the trip, not just to get the documents (that was both our excuse for meeting anyway) but to give me the grand tour of LaSalle, and to treat me out to lunch.. both of which were long-overdue promises...
The grand tour was really what it was: a grand tour! We literally went in every building, I learned all the acronyms there is to know (CC, SJ, LS, Z2...), but it was definitely fun. We laughed a lot, hysterical even. I've never seen him joke around that much, and I really had a great time. He was such a gentleman, treating me to a wonderful lunch at La Pacita (might probably get them for catering in the future) always opening doors for me, introducing me to his old frinds whom we met during the tour.... even rescuing me from an old man on the street who had didn't have the best (nor cleanest) intentions--speaking from a girl's perspective....
Was really happy to see him (even if I forgot his gift from vietnam and my hair clips... super hot day!), but deep inside, like I've always known... I'm now totally convinced of the truth: we're really not meant to be. Though he's really nice and friendly and accommodating, and while I truly appreciate his effort to spend the whole day in DLSU for me... there were no sparks. All it was were two old friends catching up and hanging out. Which may not be so bad after all. Still many many many thanks to Allan for an unforgettable day at DLSU! Time will only tell when I can really let go though, but at least I'm getting there... ;-)
Scheduled dinner with Tina tonight after ten million years of not seeing each other! After a few minutes of stories and catching up, Dad calls me and tells me we have to go earlier than expected. Bummer! And he calls again telling me that he'll just pick me up, which he did, but since we were still getting the bill, we were late in getting outside the door.... triggering again his notorious temper. I can't believe he was so pissed off and cursing me with my "insensitiveness" and "stupidity" within Tina's presence! I was so embarrassed and humiliated and angry at the same time!
It was so unfair! why do I feel like such a brat whenever my parents are around? It's like I can't even get off their shadow... even if I say I'll jsut commute home, they won't let me because it's too late. And they blame me for making my dad stay out late also because of my evening commitments. It fells like a trap... I can't work at night nor have night socials with colleagues (which is semi-required.. pakikisama sa office) because of my Dad! I wish I could just grow up and be independent for once...
And I've enver felt so unappreciated as last night.. when I came home with GO Nuts, Shawarma, Chinese food takeout, Halfmoon for pasalubong (my salary day blow-out)... nobody even bothered to say thanks.. they just continued being pissed off at me! I couldn't do anything about it. I was so mad and frustrated at the same time, I just slept it all off... hence, I was already asleep by 9pm...
Maybe what they really say is true.. sometimes, you can experience being on the upside and downside all at the same time. I sure felt both yesterday... and though I'm typing relentlessly to cool off and try to explain what just happened, I feel I can't. All I know is that life still goes on, and that's just the way things are... better for me to just accept it and move on to more pressing matters (like my reports due! my new sunblock project!) than dwell on it further...
Went to get Julius' college app form at DLSU. As agreed on months before, Allan went also to accompany me on the trip, not just to get the documents (that was both our excuse for meeting anyway) but to give me the grand tour of LaSalle, and to treat me out to lunch.. both of which were long-overdue promises...
The grand tour was really what it was: a grand tour! We literally went in every building, I learned all the acronyms there is to know (CC, SJ, LS, Z2...), but it was definitely fun. We laughed a lot, hysterical even. I've never seen him joke around that much, and I really had a great time. He was such a gentleman, treating me to a wonderful lunch at La Pacita (might probably get them for catering in the future) always opening doors for me, introducing me to his old frinds whom we met during the tour.... even rescuing me from an old man on the street who had didn't have the best (nor cleanest) intentions--speaking from a girl's perspective....
Was really happy to see him (even if I forgot his gift from vietnam and my hair clips... super hot day!), but deep inside, like I've always known... I'm now totally convinced of the truth: we're really not meant to be. Though he's really nice and friendly and accommodating, and while I truly appreciate his effort to spend the whole day in DLSU for me... there were no sparks. All it was were two old friends catching up and hanging out. Which may not be so bad after all. Still many many many thanks to Allan for an unforgettable day at DLSU! Time will only tell when I can really let go though, but at least I'm getting there... ;-)
-----------------------
Scheduled dinner with Tina tonight after ten million years of not seeing each other! After a few minutes of stories and catching up, Dad calls me and tells me we have to go earlier than expected. Bummer! And he calls again telling me that he'll just pick me up, which he did, but since we were still getting the bill, we were late in getting outside the door.... triggering again his notorious temper. I can't believe he was so pissed off and cursing me with my "insensitiveness" and "stupidity" within Tina's presence! I was so embarrassed and humiliated and angry at the same time!
It was so unfair! why do I feel like such a brat whenever my parents are around? It's like I can't even get off their shadow... even if I say I'll jsut commute home, they won't let me because it's too late. And they blame me for making my dad stay out late also because of my evening commitments. It fells like a trap... I can't work at night nor have night socials with colleagues (which is semi-required.. pakikisama sa office) because of my Dad! I wish I could just grow up and be independent for once...
And I've enver felt so unappreciated as last night.. when I came home with GO Nuts, Shawarma, Chinese food takeout, Halfmoon for pasalubong (my salary day blow-out)... nobody even bothered to say thanks.. they just continued being pissed off at me! I couldn't do anything about it. I was so mad and frustrated at the same time, I just slept it all off... hence, I was already asleep by 9pm...
----------------------------
Maybe what they really say is true.. sometimes, you can experience being on the upside and downside all at the same time. I sure felt both yesterday... and though I'm typing relentlessly to cool off and try to explain what just happened, I feel I can't. All I know is that life still goes on, and that's just the way things are... better for me to just accept it and move on to more pressing matters (like my reports due! my new sunblock project!) than dwell on it further...
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