EX Factor

Recently, I’ve been having weirdly vivid dreams of certain, um, people in my life. I guess what they say about dreams is true… your subconscious desires are more cognitively realized when deep in slumber. … My latest obsession, it seems, involves “the could have been’s”… those that at one point or another, have gotten away…

I think Jonjon was the one who pulled this particular trigger.. discovering that he himself has moved on and found his own “puffin” brought out mixed emotions for me. I know that in this lifetime, things might be difficult for the two of us, and that another person will be able to make him truly happy. I sincerely do wish him happiness.. walang showbiz. But I wasn’t ready to hear that he has moved on so fast. And to hear from his own words that she was the best girl he ever met… um, leaves me exactly where? :-(

Backtrack to memory lane, leaves me with painful memories of ER, whom I just dreamed of last night. Yep, even if my dreams he was still egotistical and controlling, but underneath was the sweet malambing person I fell in love with. Of everyone, he was the only person I like willing to take the risk with me. Only I was too damn scared. So the guy isn’t perfect, I’m not either. Too late for that realization. Up to thi day, I still wonder what ifs… would my life have been different had I taken that road? Should I just have defended him to my friends? *sigh* He’s still with hig girlfriend, good to know that like he promised, he is indeed capable of long-term relationships. Only wishful thinking can tell if the same fates would have befallen us if I had said yes in that now nonexistent parking lot…

Maybe I’m just being melancholic. Or sentimental. Sometimes I hate this feeling of the month when all I can do is daydream and sigh and wish for some other life… wish for a different past. But, like all things I’ve learned the hard way, life has way of making you stronger for future things to come. Maybe, like I’ve always believed (to keep me sane), things that don’t happen are not always meant to be… well, maybe not right now… :-)