Me and Julius 
Earlier tonight, my dad was asking me what my plans are for tomorrow. I couldn’t answer him directly, because I myself is still confused on what I'm supposed to do tomorrow--what my exact agenda is. I know I have to figure this out really quick, because wake-up time for the rest of the fam is in just a few hours, and it seems like lately, they have been all working around my schedule to accommodate me...
I used to think that I could do everything.. at the risk of spreading myself thin, just so I can schedule everything accordingly.. time management at its best. I was good at doing this... so I just continued accepting duties and activities in all my usual affiliations. I thrived on keeping myself busy, I found that I worked better when Im pressured, especially when I cram (which I really do hate!)... but that I enjoy doing and achieving a lot of things. Which explains my motivation I guess for joining a lot of organizations, even the high-profile and most demanding ones. Prestige is just part of the package, what drives me most is that feeling that I was able to accomplish everything... hence, the carpe diem motto...
What I didn't realize until now was how much my family really sacrificed to make this crazy dream of mine come true. I never drove that much before, so my dad has to fetch me everytime I have late night meetings or friday night gimmicks, or overnights with friends---all my activities he was always there to support me. My mom has also helped me a lot with weird errands--when I have to go to strange faraway places that I have never been to, she was always willing to commute with me just so I was safe. And most of the time, their whole worlds literally stopped just so they can accommodate me...My brother, well, we do not agree a lot on things, but he has always been there to "cover up" his ate when I wasn't able to ask permission to go on dates or to be late coming home...
Which makes me grateful and guilty at the same time... because I don't want to seem so selfish to them that I only mind my own life.. that I don't adjust to them anymore. My brother always says he envies me, that I have all the "perks" of being the eldest... of being the "first daughter".. because I have all the freedom to do everything I want, and I have all their full support... And my parents are not getting any younger I know... Sometimes I know they will not say it to my face, but they complain of back aches and rheumatism... which they got because they were always traveling with me. It makes me sad.. and really guilty.
I do sometimes feel like a princess (which they call me at home) because of all the pampering I've received from my family. But I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to be a prima donna. I want to help them.. I'm willing to adjust also. I want to be a good daughter. But I guess, that means, also compromising some of my ambitions.... some of the travels I have to do later on, when I finally get my dream car... because I don't want them to adjust so much anymore. Because maybe I should really spend more time with them, instead of my work or my friends. Because I know my family is more important...and they have always been "my dream" as well. Ü
I used to think that I could do everything.. at the risk of spreading myself thin, just so I can schedule everything accordingly.. time management at its best. I was good at doing this... so I just continued accepting duties and activities in all my usual affiliations. I thrived on keeping myself busy, I found that I worked better when Im pressured, especially when I cram (which I really do hate!)... but that I enjoy doing and achieving a lot of things. Which explains my motivation I guess for joining a lot of organizations, even the high-profile and most demanding ones. Prestige is just part of the package, what drives me most is that feeling that I was able to accomplish everything... hence, the carpe diem motto...
What I didn't realize until now was how much my family really sacrificed to make this crazy dream of mine come true. I never drove that much before, so my dad has to fetch me everytime I have late night meetings or friday night gimmicks, or overnights with friends---all my activities he was always there to support me. My mom has also helped me a lot with weird errands--when I have to go to strange faraway places that I have never been to, she was always willing to commute with me just so I was safe. And most of the time, their whole worlds literally stopped just so they can accommodate me...My brother, well, we do not agree a lot on things, but he has always been there to "cover up" his ate when I wasn't able to ask permission to go on dates or to be late coming home...
Which makes me grateful and guilty at the same time... because I don't want to seem so selfish to them that I only mind my own life.. that I don't adjust to them anymore. My brother always says he envies me, that I have all the "perks" of being the eldest... of being the "first daughter".. because I have all the freedom to do everything I want, and I have all their full support... And my parents are not getting any younger I know... Sometimes I know they will not say it to my face, but they complain of back aches and rheumatism... which they got because they were always traveling with me. It makes me sad.. and really guilty.
I do sometimes feel like a princess (which they call me at home) because of all the pampering I've received from my family. But I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to be a prima donna. I want to help them.. I'm willing to adjust also. I want to be a good daughter. But I guess, that means, also compromising some of my ambitions.... some of the travels I have to do later on, when I finally get my dream car... because I don't want them to adjust so much anymore. Because maybe I should really spend more time with them, instead of my work or my friends. Because I know my family is more important...and they have always been "my dream" as well. Ü
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